Sometimes, Miracles Happen!

Last week, my cousin (who is like a sister to me), called me up to tell me that she was pregnant. Mind you, she has an 18-year-old daughter and thought she was finished having babies. She also recently got divorced and has only been seeing her boyfriend since December, so she really wasn't all that ready to be making life plans with him. At least not just yet. So she was a little distraught and confused.

The following day, she saw her cardiologist (she has to see him because she got mono last year and had some long-term affects from it). He basically told her to have an abortion because he wasn't going to take her off her meds and he felt it was too risky.

That night, she was in a lot of pain, so she went to the ER. They did an ultrasound and told her that there was no heartbeat and that the baby was just a mass of cells. She went the next morning to her OB and he scheduled a D&C for this coming Thursday.
She started having really bad pains again last night, so she went to back to the ER - she called me this morning to tell me that they did another ultrasound and there IS a heart beat and the baby looks perfectly healthy! When she had the ultrasound last week, they were looking at a fibroid, and it was too early to detect a heartbeat yet!

Thank God she went in last night, or she would have had the D&C and never would have known that she had a healthy, growing baby inside of her, who wanted to be born!
She has decided to keep the baby despite her cardiologist's advice, and is just going to have to take it easy.
 
I will be praying for her, as this likely won't be an easy pregnancy, but certainly one that was meant to be!

Home Sweet Home

We made it home from our family vacation yesterday, in the early evening. The remainder of the week went by pretty much as the beginning had, with me and the baby indoors while everyone else played outside. A few exceptions: one afternoon, I had lunch with a friend who recently moved to the area and has a son who is three weeks younger than S. Then, our last day in town was spent in Wilmington, where we had lunch at the Pilot House and spent the afternoon at the Children's Museum. J. had an absolute blast there, which was apparent by the size the tantrum he threw when we left. While in Wilmington, we also drove by the house where my grandmother lived while my grandfather was deployed during World War II - I found the address on letters addressed to her from him that she had saved.

The trip home was yet again a reminder of why people with small children really shouldn't take road trips. J. made us stop every 90 minutes to pee. At two of the places we stopped, he had tantrums because we wouldn't buy him lollipops or gum. He fell asleep for a duration of the trip from all of the screaming and crying and ended up having an accident all over his carseat - wardrobe change!

As for S., every time he got hungry, I'd have to contortion myself to feed him and beg J. not to put his feet on my arms. We couldn't find anymore ready-made formula in North Carolina, so I had to mix in the car, so the front seat was covered in formula powder and rice cereal flakes. Then, there was the spitting up and occasional vomiting, which called for new bibs...not fun to change while baby is strapped into a car seat! And he kept dropping his binky, so I'd have to keep looking for it. Had we gotten into an accident, the odds that I would have been turned around would have been very high - not a pleasant thought! Anyhow, he also had several very stinky mustard poops which called for immediate changing and usually also - wardrobe change!

But we are home now - thank God! Tomorrow is J.'s first day of pre-school and S. has an appointment with his gastroenterologist, plus I am back to work. There should seriously be a mandatory extra week vacation for either a) just the parents or b) just the mom at a day spa!!!

Unauthorized stress

So, I'm supposed to be relaxing. No stress, and all of that. Today, that was not happening. My sister called me late last night to let me know that my dad was taking my mom to the ER. He finally called me at 2 in the morning to let me know that she had been admitted.

They initially thought she may be having a heart attack because she had numbness on one side and chest pain. We now know that isn't the case, thankfully. Her blood pressure though was around 213/111, which is crazy high. Scary.

They ran a ton of tests on her today and finally released her after her stress test came back normal. It turns out that she has a leaky heart valve, and that may have been what caused her blood pressure to spike.

I am grateful that she is home, and seems to be okay. The thought of anything happening to her, I just don't know what I would do.

Now, to focus on the task at hand...making a baby!

Mono y mono

So, I am worried sick about my cousin. She came down with mono back in April and has only gotten worse over the last 6 weeks. She's been in and out of the hospital several times. At first it was because of dehydration, but now it is because she is too weak to move around on her own and has been experiencing heart palpitations. She is also at risk for dehydration because she is sweating profusely and needs to be connected to an IV at all times.

The hospital keeps going back and forth about her diagnosis. First, they were certain it was mono. Then they thought it might be something else because they did a CT scan and didn't find any problems with her spleen or heart (despite the palpitations). They did a ton of tests and so far have come up short. Yesterday, they were back to thinking it was mono and now they have deicided to test her for Lyme Disease.

With mono, there is nothing they can do for her because it is viral. She just has to ride it out. It sucks because she is in immense pain and can't even rest because of her heart rate.

Anyone who knows her knows what an incredible and generous person she is. She certainly does not deserve this, and I pray she gets better soon.

A Very J. Christmas

Since J. is the youngest member of my immediate family, the only grandchild of my husband's mom, and the only grandchild that my parents share, you can just imagine the attention, love, and presents that were lavished upon him for Christmas. We had to do the gift opening in stages as not to overwhelm or bore him (believe it or not, we discovered that there is a fine line between the two extremes):

First came presents from my side of the family on Christmas eve...







Then, he opened gifts from "Santa" on Christmas morning...







And finally, after Christmas dinner, he opened presents from my husband's side of the family:





Needless to say, he is one very loved, very well taken care of child!

Other Christmas moments:


Me, showing J. how to play tee ball (unsuccessfully)


J., amazed with the Christmas tree


My sister and her super adorable dog, Kelly Girl


Fun with grillz and Hypnotiq

Hope your Christmas was a merry one too!

Family Vacay

We haven't taken a family vacation since J. was born, and frankly had no plans to, so when my parents offered to let us shack up with them in Pompano Beach for a week (they have a time share), we said, "why not?!?"

All in all, it was a fun week once we got over the disappointment of learning that the resort was neither on the beach nor on a golf course, not to mention the fact that the second bedroom had two super single beds. Since Pompano Beach is halfway between family to the north and things to do to the south, there was always something to do. We visited with my husband's boss, celebrated my sister's 30th birthday, went to the Miami Metrozoo and Miami Seaquarium, spent a day at a science center in Fort Lauderdale, cruised South Beach, had dinner with our friends Michele and Ben, shopped at Sawgrass Mills, and visited this bizzarro castle in the middle of Homestead that my dad wanted to check out. I even got off my duff and worked out in the gym one day...something I wish I could do more often.

The really great thing was that my parents got to spend LOTS of time with J. By the end of the trip, he was calling them by name and really loving up to my dad, which he had never really done before. Besides, even if we would have had a terrible time, it still would have been better than going through the semester I just went through!

In Mourning...

A few months ago, my uncle Bill was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They went in several weeks ago to operate and found that it had spread to his liver and gall bladder. They removed everything they could, and last week, they told him that he was dying and there wasn't anything else they could do.

He passed away this morning.

He was a fun-loving guy, to a fault. His lifestyle is what did this to him, and it makes me sad to know that he would still be here today if he had taken better care of himself. He left behind a wife, three grown children, and two grandchildren who are going to miss him terribly.

The last time I saw him was at my cousin's wedding seven years ago. We had such a great time. Over the years, his drinking got worse and worse and he started feuding with my mom. I wanted to stay out of it so I avoided his phone calls. Now I'm full of sadness and guilt.

Wherever he is, I hope he knows how sorry I am, and how much I honestly will miss him.

CA-CAW!

My sister-in-law is dating a guy with the last name Caw. I was just thinking about how if they got married and had children, they couldn't name their child a first name that started with C and a middle name that started with A, because then the poor child would be CA-CAW (as in the sound a bird makes).

Then I realized that my sister-in-law's first name starts with C and middle name starts with A.

Too funny!

Making friends with the neighbors

On Saturday evening, we had dinner at my house to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday. Afterwards, my younger brother and sister decided to go out clubbing...then when they were done my brother planned to come back to my house to stay over.

At 4:00 in the morning, my sister comes running up the stairs and into our bedroom. She was so upset that we couldn't understand a word that she was saying. It almost gave me heart failure...I thought someone had died (and I was in a dead sleep, so my first reaction was that something had happened to J., which still upsets me when I think about it).

Anyhow, my brother shouldn't have been driving, but was, and hit two parked cars in my neighborhood (actually, he hit one, but it pushed the car he hit into the car in front of it) with his brand-new Corvette.

The one night that J. slept through the night, and we end up losing a few hours of sleep thanks to my brother.

The next morning, our neighbors figured out that my brother was staying with us and knocked on our door. They had called the police. Luckily for my brother (but not for my neighbors), the cop who came to the scene was nice and only gave him tickets for careless driving and leaving the scene of an accident.

Needless to say, it was not how we wanted to meet our neighbors for the first time. Thankfully, they don't live on our street, though we do have to pass them in order to get home.

I'm vaclempt

Yesterday, my sister threw me a small baby shower at my house. She and my mom came over to stay the weekend with us, and when I was opening presents, my mom gave me a gift from my cousin, Leyla (the very same cousin who put my husband and I up in a fancy resort on the beach and threw me a shower at said location three weeks ago), which turned out to be a pink Burberry diaper bag.

I honestly don't think I've ever been so overcome with emotion over a gift. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones talking, or maybe it was my extreme love for all things related to purses that made me do it, but I started bawling like a baby. I don't think it was the cost of the bag that made me so emotional, but instead, the idea that someone could be so generous and unbelievably thoughtful so many times over.

From Dawn to Dust

I just got a call from my mom, telling me that my cousin, Dawn, died last night from a drug overdose. The weird thing is that I got an email from her last night for the first time in at least a year. It was just an invitation to communicate with her via instant messenger, but of all nights for her to send it...it's just weird. She died a few hours later.

Dawn and I were never close...she was two years behind me in school and hung out with a different crowd. She actually came up to me after my sister's wedding and told me that she didn't like me in high school because of my friends. It was news to me. But she was family and as such, I loved her.

She had a very hard life. Her mother and two nephews were killed in a car accident when she was still in high school, and her father, while a good man, was a mess. He turned to excessive drinking and couldn't be there for her. Her older sister, having lost her two children in the accident, wasn't emotionally available for her either. She couldn't deal with reality so so turned to drugs...it's been that way for her ever since.

She went down a really bad path and I always knew that this would happen someday. The sad thing is that it's such a waste of a young life. But on the other hand, this world wasn't making her happy, so I do believe that she is now in a better place. I hope that she finally finds peace with her mother, nephews, and grandparents in heaven.

Jesus Loves You!!

As of Saturday, I am officially 5 weeks pregnant.

There's still so much time to go and anything can happen, although I read that once you hit the 6-week mark, the likelihood of miscarriage drops from 50% to 10%...so as you can imagine,Saturday can't come fast enough for me!

We broke down and told our families after we'd decided that we'd wait until Thanksgiving to tell them. For one thing, I just can't keep something like that from my mom...and if anything bad did happen, I'd want her to be here. So why not tell her? But by telling her, I also had to tell my siblings. And of course we told my mother-in-law as well.

We also went to church yesterday for the first time (that wasn't Easter or Christmas) in years. We have so much to be grateful for that it seemed like the right thing to do. We tried out a church here for the first time and it wasn't an enlightening experience (except the kind that makes you realize how NOT to raise children), but we will just try and find another one in the area that we like.

In other news, I leave for Arizona today. I'm a little nervous about traveling; especially to a place where there is a high altitude (not that I've read anything adverse about that, but still). I will be praying a lot in these next few days.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not just now finding religion - I've always prayed, but I'm not a fanatic about it. I would never shove my views down someone else's throat, like my cousin, who keeps sending me messages to join her "Jesus Loves You!!" group online. Helloooooo...I'm Catholic - don't you think I have the whole Jesus loves me thing down pat by now?!? But I digress.

Time for me and my .05" peanut to get ready to head to the airport.

My Guardian Angel

I never thought that reading my baby book would make me cry. I was just going through it and came across what my mom wrote for my 3rd birthday:

How celebrated: "At home with us all - even had the glory of having our Ricky with us. He loved his sister so much."

Eight days after my third birthday, Ricky was killed in a hunting accident. He was only 11 years old. He had wanted to go shopping with my mom but she had to work that day, so he went out to the woods with my dad and other brother, Jimmy (he was 15 at the time). Ricky was too young to hunt himself so he stayed back at the truck while Jimmy and my dad went off. He got bored and decided to climb up into an orange tree to pick an orange at the same time two hunters came along. These men were hunting for squirrels with a shot gun and neither had ever taken the hunter safety course (I took and passed it when I was 12). They heard a noise up in an orange tree and without confiming what it was, fired a shot. Ricky died on the way to the hospital. My dad and brother came back to find him gone.

His death has left me with a void that I have felt my whole life. Even though I was just a baby, I remember so much about him. On my 3rd birthday, my mom took me, Ricky, and Jimmy to the Palm Beach Mall. My mom had bought me a pink balloon and when we got out of the car to go inside the house, I accidentally let go of it. Jimmy and Ricky chased it through the yard but couldn't catch it. When my parents tried to explain to me that Ricky was in heaven I said, "Is he going to get my balloon for me?"

It wasn't until I was about six or so that I really understood where Ricky had gone and that he was never coming back. It was like losing him all over again. When left alone, I would scream and cry through the house. When I got to an age where I accepted it, I would talk to him all of the time...in my room before bed every night. Even now, when I pray to God, I talk to Ricky.

It's been almost 28 years since Ricky died but I still think about him all of the time. I wonder what he would be like now. I wonder how different our lives would be...maybe my older brother would have graduated from high school. My parents had planned to stop after me -- I probably wouldn't have my younger brother or sister.

I know that he's with me, even though I can't see him. He's been my guardian angel throughout my life and there have been times when I can even sense him. On earth and in heaven, he's an angel.

Only 4 days left!!!

In four short days, my twenties will be over. How do I feel about this, you ask? Well, I guess I'm alright. I'm not one who believes that it's all downhill from here - ask me again when I am approaching 50 and I will probably have a different answer for you.

A lot has happened this week. I've witnessed firsthand the "circle of life" that people speak of. My grandfather passed away on Monday, October 27th and on Wednesday, October 29th, my older sister had an 8lb 11oz baby girl who is absolutely gorgeous! On Thursday, I went down for the funeral and was fortunate enough to be able to meet my new niece at 1-day old. This is huge for me because I didn't meet her big sister until she was 8 (long story).

While that was a joyous occasion, the funeral was not. It was a nice ceremony - they gave him a military send off and even had a real bugle playing Taps. I didn't think I was going to be emotional until I saw my grandfather in that coffin. It didn't even look like him - he was gray (my grandfather always had jet black hair, even in his 80s) and very gaunt. Once the funeral was over it took me awhile to compose myself. My mom was even worse.

But something good did come out of it. My grandfather's older sister, younger sister and younger brother came from around the country to be there. Many of my cousins were there and almost all of my aunts and uncles. We went to dinner afterwards and had a great time catching up.

Lately, I find myself a greater optimist than normal. I think this is proof that there is definitely a silver lining in every dark cloud. A bit of wisdom I will carry with me into my 30s and beyond.

My Uncle Clyde

My aunt Jane called last night to tell me that on Sunday, my uncle Clyde passed away. He had been suffering with diabetes for a long time and actually lived a year longer than they'd expected. I hadn't seen him since I was in 6th grade, but was lucky enough to get up to Black Mountain, NC to see him last year. For that, I am thankful. He was a wonderful person.