Not SAHM Material

S attends a home daycare, which has been great. When he was attending the big daycare center, the poor kid was sick all of the time and since we switched in June, he's only been sick once. What sucks is that she takes the week between Christmas and New Years off. Even worse, my mom doesn't help out with the kids anymore, my babysitter is visiting family out of state, and my mother-in-law hurt her back.

The good thing about this is that I have been able to spend time with the boys. I love my boys. They are absolutely delicious when they are good. Usually when they are home though, they are fighting and whining. I can handle a little of this, but after 4 days, I am done.

This makes me feel very guilty, I can assure you. I happened to open a magazine and read a story about a boy receiving palliative care because it's inevitable he will die. I bawled like a baby and considered myself so very lucky to have two healthy children. And then J screams at me because he lost at Super Mario Brothers that "it's all my fault" because I was talking to S...or some crazy nonsense like that and the moment is gone.

I always daydreamed about being a SAHM. Now I know that I could never do it full-time (though part-time would be great). Maybe it's because I'm not structured enough during the day with them. Maybe I would run a tighter ship if I had to do it all of the time, I don't know. All I know is that I am definitely not SAHM material, regardless of how much I love my children. I have great appreciation for SAHMs everywhere - it is indeed the hardest job anyone can undertake.